We leave tomorrow. After over two weeks of fun, food, and fellowship (to quote the overused Christian phrase), we head back to our respective schools (Matthew, my friend Heidi, and myself).
But oh, what a couple of weeks it has been. I’m surprisingly overflowing with gratitude (quite the departure from my usual cynical self), for the ache we’re all feeling upon leaving means that this break was truly something special.
A few of the more memorable moments:
A) Throwing a get-together at my house. The guests were coming at 4, at which point I was planning to go bowling with them. At 3 o’clock, I asked Mom, “Hey. . .when were you planning on starting dinner?” Her response (“I thought YOU were making dinner!”) sent us into a flurry of crazed activity. (In my defense, I don’t just expect my mom to help me host things. Something she has said the day before, and the fact that she began making rolls the day before and declined my help indicated to me that she was wanted to cook. ) I’ve never chopped potatoes so quickly in my life!
12 of us went bowling (I haven’t bowled so poorly since I was about 11 years old), and when we arrived home, Mom had saved the day. It was a lovely time to sit and talk and just be. I love the people I grew up with in a way I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else. They’re special that way.
B) Last Sunday night, one of the ladies from church invited me and two friends over to spend the night. We got horrifically lost on the way there (the half hour max drive turned out to be 2 and a half hours total), which was hilarious for those of us who were not driving, and mainly stressful for the girl who was. That evening a group of us sat and chatted. . .then laid down for bed and talked for another two hours. The following day we all converged at another friend’s house for brunch and ended up hanging out until about 4 o’clock. It was so good. Good to be understood. Good to chat over Turkish tea. Good to feel safe and comfortable. It was truly a soul-nourishing time.
C) New Year’s Eve was spent with some good friends and their families. Every year, my friend Joanie’s family throws a party and plays a four-hour-long movie that was shot of a musical telling the stories of the book of Acts. That sounds weird, but at this point, I’ve done it so much that my New Year’s Eve feels a little odd without “Upside Down.”
D) Making a tunic. I didn’t finish. But I started, and found out I know more about sewing than I thought.
E) I was able to meet a lot of interesting people here, from a WNBA basketball player (we went to one of her games, and it was so much fun! I miss watching sports) to a couple who are interning here from Moody. I just really enjoy meeting people, especially when I’m immersed in a comfortable social network.
F) The sights, the sounds. . .everything about this place, from the public transportation to the people staring at me on the street, to being surprised into leading worship one Sunday. . .this country is one after my own heart. There are many places I call home, but this one always feels more like home than any other.
In short, it was so good to have a break from the tension of transition. So good to see a lot of my friends (in fact, a sizeable majority of us were back this year!), so good to have good conversations, so good to sleep in my room, and wake up to my dad’s breakfasts, and to be able to cuddle with my little brother whenever my heart desired it. Good to be hugged by my mom and chat with my friends.
Thank You, Lord, for blessing me with this break.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Perspective
"This, too, shall pass." It's true, you know. Regardless of whether you absolutely love your life stage or are counting the seconds until you can move on, life cycles are such that you won't remain in one for long (if you are able to put your life in perspective, which is admittedly difficult).
Tonight I sat down, peeked at my bank account, expenses, and loans, and crunched some numbers. It was an awful enough situation considering the fact that calling my math skills remedial would be an act of Mother Theresa-like generosity (and Tiger Woods-style deception), and the stress was compounded by the fact that x seemed to always equal either zero or negative. I think I was taught that x should always be a positive integer, but apparently life does not always imitate math.
My response, after I made my mom double-check and approve the numbers on the page, stopped just short of sackcloth and ashes. And I do mean just short. I even rent (rended? did rend?) some clothing, albeit the clothing I am currently sewing that needed a good rending job to make me look like less of a linebacker and more like a female.
In short, I freaked out. As I explained to my mom, I had anticipated that my life could be easy now (living off loans) and hard later (paying off loans) or hard now (working in school) and easy later (paying off loans early). I had not mentally prepared a category for "Life: Hard now, harder later!"
After a good hour of slathering myself in self-pity (with truly unfortunate results to the complexion) I recognized two facts that had somehow eluded me in my fear:
1) I had made no effort to see where God fits into all this
2) I'm being my own selfish pig, as the book title goes
1) My freak out was due to the fact that I had lost a sense of perspective. My focus is on my life, and how I want it run, and what I want to get out of it. A focus on God changes that instantly. I don't need life to be debt-free, stress-free, or hardship-free to be effective for Christ and the opportunities He has given me for service. Furthermore, if I truly seek Him, I will know for certain that this time will not be wasted. He's pretty economical when it comes to time.
2) Oh, and did I mention that I'm being an ungrateful wretch? What a disheartening news story: "Debt-free graduate of expensive private university gets an emotional allergic reaction to the loans she's taking out to attend the graduate school of her choice which will prepare her perfectly for what she wants to do in life." Not to mention that I have a wonderful family, I grew up in one of the best countries in the world while simultaneously claiming citizenship to the "free-est" (most free) countries in the world; that living without proper shelter is a form of recreation to me (maybe not always the most enjoyable recreation, but we'll save the camping stories for later). I have never gone without food or clothing. I'm more or less healthy. I have been blessed to know some of the best sorts of people on this earth. And I just finished my annual read-through of Pride and Prejudice. In short, I am blessed, blessed, blessed.
One of the things that had initially saddened me was that my lack of funds will prevent me from some of the hobbies I had hoped to take up (ie: sewing. You wouldn't think that it would be expensive, would you?). But that's ok. Instead, I can focus on learning piano and guitar (pursuits I have taken up and given up frequently over the past few years), sing and write more, and enjoy the process of learning to develop relationships well. Take that, Sallie Mae.
Tonight I sat down, peeked at my bank account, expenses, and loans, and crunched some numbers. It was an awful enough situation considering the fact that calling my math skills remedial would be an act of Mother Theresa-like generosity (and Tiger Woods-style deception), and the stress was compounded by the fact that x seemed to always equal either zero or negative. I think I was taught that x should always be a positive integer, but apparently life does not always imitate math.
My response, after I made my mom double-check and approve the numbers on the page, stopped just short of sackcloth and ashes. And I do mean just short. I even rent (rended? did rend?) some clothing, albeit the clothing I am currently sewing that needed a good rending job to make me look like less of a linebacker and more like a female.
In short, I freaked out. As I explained to my mom, I had anticipated that my life could be easy now (living off loans) and hard later (paying off loans) or hard now (working in school) and easy later (paying off loans early). I had not mentally prepared a category for "Life: Hard now, harder later!"
After a good hour of slathering myself in self-pity (with truly unfortunate results to the complexion) I recognized two facts that had somehow eluded me in my fear:
1) I had made no effort to see where God fits into all this
2) I'm being my own selfish pig, as the book title goes
1) My freak out was due to the fact that I had lost a sense of perspective. My focus is on my life, and how I want it run, and what I want to get out of it. A focus on God changes that instantly. I don't need life to be debt-free, stress-free, or hardship-free to be effective for Christ and the opportunities He has given me for service. Furthermore, if I truly seek Him, I will know for certain that this time will not be wasted. He's pretty economical when it comes to time.
2) Oh, and did I mention that I'm being an ungrateful wretch? What a disheartening news story: "Debt-free graduate of expensive private university gets an emotional allergic reaction to the loans she's taking out to attend the graduate school of her choice which will prepare her perfectly for what she wants to do in life." Not to mention that I have a wonderful family, I grew up in one of the best countries in the world while simultaneously claiming citizenship to the "free-est" (most free) countries in the world; that living without proper shelter is a form of recreation to me (maybe not always the most enjoyable recreation, but we'll save the camping stories for later). I have never gone without food or clothing. I'm more or less healthy. I have been blessed to know some of the best sorts of people on this earth. And I just finished my annual read-through of Pride and Prejudice. In short, I am blessed, blessed, blessed.
One of the things that had initially saddened me was that my lack of funds will prevent me from some of the hobbies I had hoped to take up (ie: sewing. You wouldn't think that it would be expensive, would you?). But that's ok. Instead, I can focus on learning piano and guitar (pursuits I have taken up and given up frequently over the past few years), sing and write more, and enjoy the process of learning to develop relationships well. Take that, Sallie Mae.
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