Remembrance

A test is coming up in my Genesis through Song of Solomon survey course, which means I have been devouring the Samuels, Kings, and Chronicles with as much speed as a comprehending reading allows.

I have been, as usual, astounded by the apparent stupidity of the Israelites, as evidenced by the cycle they seem to go through of getting into trouble, crying out to God, being rescued by God, then forgetting about or grumbling against God and choosing instead to worship Molech, Chemosh, Asherah, and Baal. . .followed, of course, by trouble.

Unfortunately, I also see more than enough of myself in these frail, oh-so-human beings.

A few short months ago, I was praising God for bringing me here and providing abundantly and often. Within a few days of telling my parents I wanted a car, we found the perfect one. I was given an unexpected scholarship. I found a house and roommates with minimal effort on my part. I was given a job for the summer, and after a summer of stressing about it, I found a job here within two weeks of moving. I had no problems driving down here, and I have found classes to be incredible and those by whom I am surrounded to be true followers of Christ and people on whom I can rely. I have a church and friends and even a mechanic who sends his clients presents for their birthdays. And that is just material provision; along every step of the way, God has also provided for me by His presence. I am completely and utterly spoiled.

Yet I forget that. Like the ancient Israelites, I sometimes find that my diet of manna is bland, or that the Philistines of my life (big decisions, relational conflicts, big tests, general stress) loom much bigger than God. I tend to subscribe to a sort of Aesop's Fables view of God: "He helps those who help themselves." The God I sometimes think I serve is manipulable and petty, and will only grant me what I need if I take the right sequence of steps or pray the right prayer, or always make the right decisions. And sure, while I know that I will face consequences for poor decisions/sin, if the "right" (or righteous) decision is not explicitly spelled out in Scripture, I can go ahead, make my decision, and trust that God will pick up the necessary pieces and give the necessary provision.

I need to work on remembering His grace and provision in my life up until this point. That would save me a lot of time skulking around in fear of taking a wrong step and facing unendurable consequences.