I wrote a calm, well-thought-out post a few days ago after having moved into my new home. I trust you will see that at some point in the next few days, but for now, I'm trying to capture some of the whirlwind my brain, emotions, and entire being (I'm allowed a little drama, right?) have gone through in the past few days.
Monday was orientation, which was a good theory and effort on the part of the school, but which mainly served to completely disorient me.
I've had my first three classes, experienced the same conversations about 68 times with others in the seminary and graduate school, and already pulled a late night to finish my Counseling Techniques homework the night before it was due. I'm definitely not in Kansas anymore.
I am happy to report that this is the best transition I have ever experienced. I've yet to have a breakdown, though I'm expecting one about halfway through my next Psychopathology course. I've managed to do the things I need to do and only called my parents once for emotional support (the other 8,000 times were to give me Internet information I needed. . .we're still waiting to get the Internet set up at home).
Sure, it's been a transition. My brain is so full it feels swollen, and I'm still much more conscious than I want to be about the way I present myself to others; I get lost on this tiny little campus more than I want to admit, and I still pray every time I have to merge onto the freeway outside my house. I feel all the dazed uncertainty I hope is normal for this kind of experience.
But I'm much better equipped to handle it than in other transitions. I'm appreciating the opportunity to break up my comfort zone and re-establish it along broader lines. And while it's not comfortable, there's an underlying excitement and peace in knowing that someday soon the dust will settle and I will hopefully be a person of greater depth and adaptability than I have hitherto known. The decisions I am making right now: to talk to someone or not; to face a problem or avoid it; to ask a question that may sound dumb in class, etc. are developing me for my next transitions. So, because hands on practice like this doesn't come along every day, I'm trying to immerse myself as fearlessly and completely in this moment as possible. Fellow transitioners, my hope is that you will find the Source of strength to be able to do the same.
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I don't have any plans to follow you over to this blogspot, but I figured I'd give it a read since you bothered to post about it on xanga. It's good to hear your life is not falling apart all around you. That right there is proof that you're growing up. God's blessing on the new life. Live it well.
John Bahler
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