Four Themes

I keep trying to write a blog, but it just isn't happening. I usually go into "emotional processing" zone somewhere along the way, which leads to me pitching a hissy fit and rolling around on the floor in tears, while hysterical laughter issues from my mouth, because what am I, three?

So I'm just going to try to re-cap this semester in as quick and straight-forward a method as possible:

Patience has been a bit theme. My timing is off of God's by about 6000 billion years, and it shows. One of us is wrong. I vacillate with regard to which one I believe that to be.

Surrender has been another big theme. I'm nowhere near there yet. In fact, the thought of surrender makes my head ache and puts my teeth on edge. We'll see how this goes.

Along with the surrender comes crushed dreams. Not necessarily crushed, per se. But surrender means that they can't undergird my existence. And let me tell you, giving up dreams can an emotionally taxing experience.

Finally, woundedness. I have literally become a person who can turn on the tears within seconds and with very little provocation. I just have a lot of seeping wounds right now, it's taking longer (ahem. . .patience) than I had hoped to de-seep them. It's funny to be doing so well, yet be so emotionally filleted at the same time. We'll see where that goes.

There's a re-cap. It's been a very bad semester, if one judges the goodness of a semester by the amount of pixie dust and giggles found per square minute. It's been a very good semester, if one judges goodness by the number of times God has smacked one upside the head.

I can't really say definitively that it has been bad or good, hard or easy. . .it's just been. It's one more semester that I can place in that little record book of my life, and while it included some failures and some successes and some surrender and so much rebellion I'm nowhere near the root of the problem and have already considered giving up. . .it has been.

And that in itself is a good thing.