Kicking and Screaming

I fully intend to phone in the rest of the semester. That's probably not what Jesus would do, but I'm done trying to use that line as guilt motivation, and have very little inclination to care about school or goals, or anything or importance, at this point. Instead I watch House and drink coffee. Not a bad life, all things considered.

Truth is, I am feeling intense cabin fever right now; I'm really fighting the thought of being here for another semester, let alone another several years. Part of it is the fact that this program is so harrowing that crap I never realized bothered me is suddenly making me run to my car to cry after class (where some now-traumatized 16-year-old boys caught me yesterday. That was amusing, to say the least). Then, of course, I wonder what's wrong with me and when it's going to get better, because I can't afford to go through life leaking all my bodily fluids. I'm already dehydrated from all the coffee.

I'm looking into volunteer opportunities and advocacy groups here in Columbia. That's the best way I can think of to help me reconcile with being here until I'm 26 (or longer). The justice oriented part of me, the passionate part, the part that I like best because it isn't focused on my petty life, has been dormant since getting here. I need to nudge it back awake. I need to make changes in the way I live. Graduate school Lauren, so far, is a bit of a disappointment; so I guess it's a good thing I'm going to be here for so long to rectify that, isn't it? :)